The apprehension of first encounters with an unbeknownst (such a boomer word) stranger in the dating world can and often will be a daunting exchange. It’s no different in the car world. Join me as I swipe right, exchange awkward dialogue and go out on a first date with Suzuki’s newest pint size baby 'suv' (You see what I did there?). I’m beset upon peeling away the multiple layers of knee-slapping dad jokes involving lawn mower engines and awkward looks.

Right dads, about that lawnmower motor…when you can get the job done with less, why bother about adding more? That is then the underlying value of the S-Presso. With the curb weight of 758kg, the 3-cylinder 1.0 litre makes easy work carting my fat arse around the city. It’s aspirational at best when venturing out on the open road and just as expected, you will be passed by just about everything and is better suited within the confines of our metropolitan boundaries. But that doesn’t matter. Where you lose in speed, you gain in economy (Sounds like a fortune cookie scripture). True to the dating game, 'the bio' is a bit of a stretch regarding claimed fuel economy ratings of 4.9l/100km. I try to delicately tether my size 10 foot as much as I possibly can but I only achieve 5.4l/100km. ONLY. ABS is standard on all GL models and with the low curb weight, it won’t be working too hard to slow down the low moving mass of the S-Presso.

What’s it like on the inside? This being the GL MT+ version, it’s marginally more tricked out than the base GL MT, meaning that you get a few personalized accessories. Boxes are starting to be ticked. The centrally mounted cluster hosts the infotainment system and I’m quickly onto the topic of music, promoting Spotify playlist. Waze works seamlessly and I’m quickly reminded through a popup that there’s a speed camera not too far away on the horizon. Not to worry, Mr Traffic officer...we won’t be requiring your photography skills. We’re just passing through. Other attributes include electric windows, air-conditioning and a reverse parking camera for those who can’t park the old fashioned way. The digital gauge too, I find to a fitting ode to Japanese motoring ala Honda S2000 styles.

The driving position is an elevated affair and posture is upright. There’s sufficient room between the ceiling and my mop of grey hair, surprising, even for a lofty 6.2 ft driver like myself. Seating at the back isn’t too uncomfortable for me either. Eyebrows are raised at the advertised 5-seater claim. I feel that unless your kids are all of hobbit stature, it’s going to be a tough ask.

We shuffle back and forth through Franschhoek, continuing to exchange pleasantries and take in the grand vistas on offer (careful not to stumble). I am particularly impressed at how easy the S-Presso can pirouette seemingly on its axis and if you’re wanting to perform illegal U-turns which I advise you don’t, in the S-Presso it’s no longer a 3-point turn. It’s more of a 1.9-point turn.

Gear changes seem a little clunky at first but expected from an entry-level manual and heck, this is a press car after all but as you settle into the behaviourism of this little car, you quickly start appreciating it for what it is rather than what it isn't. The 180 mm ground clearance is great if you’re wanting to explore a bit of scenery greater than the odd city pavement here and there, as I did in the West Coast Nature Reserve. But don’t get too out of hand.

To sum it up the S-Presso does ‘basic’ well. Sure, it may not be the 9/10 you were hoping for but truth be told, those lies sold to you were of dolled profile pics thanks to aggressively basis filters. What the S-Presso does unapologetically is a the serving of zero-frills motoring to suit your pocket. What it lacks in visual appeal it makes up in budget-busting abilities from the get-go with a cheeky smile. Beyond the blue frock, chrome trimmings and make-up, it’s a cheap date this time and with a refill of fuel coming in at less than R260, I’ll get the bill.